My little sister wanted to use Y!A and she's like begging and getting annoying, so I have to let her. (Don't be hard on her; Shes only in fifth grade ok?
*hands computer to sister*
Here is the prompt: Think about something you enjoy doing. Describe it so that someone could understand why you enjoy doing it. Be sure to use specific details.
Here is my essay:
Trips to Utah
Do you know what it is like to go skiing in Utah? I enjoy doing many things, but my all-time favorite thing to do is go on skiing trips with my family to Utah. There are many reasons why I enjoy these trips. I love traveling, the hotel, and skiing.
First, traveling to Utah is actually one of my favorite parts of the trips. My family and I have to get up really early to make our flights. We wake up at 4:00, but it is definitely worth it! Next, we always travel by plane. Normally, the planes have televisions on the backs of the chairs. The televisions have music, movies, television shows, games, and a map of where we are going. In addition, the flight attendants serve food and drink on the long flights and I’m normally allowed to have some. I get a Coke and fruit with cheese. Also, I bring a couple of movies to watch on the plane. I like to bring movies about animals, because they are always really cute. Furthermore, the airports are really fun. They have lots of restaurants, so I can try new foods. I really enjoy traveling to Utah!
Next, the hotel is very nice. The staff never fails to deliver a welcome gift basket and a goodbye gift basket! The welcome basket included crackers, tortilla chips, salsa, apples, chocolate-covered raisons, dried fruit, and trail mix. The goodbye basket had cookies and ice cream! In addition, the staff keeps the hotel spic and span. The lobby is always shiny, and the housekeeping kept our room tidy. Also, our rooms have a hot tub on the balcony! It feels really good to soak in it after a long day of skiing. Furthermore, there is a ski in- ski out service at the hotel. It’s really nice, because we don’t have to walk a long way with our ski boots on. The hotel also provided free breakfast. There were pancakes, waffles, French toast, bacon, bagels, eggs, and much more! There was a free lunch, too. It was called “Après Ski”. I personally think that we stay at the best hotel ever!
Lastly, skiing was the most fun part of the trip. I had to wear LOTS of clothing to keep me warm. I wore a jacket, gloves, snow pants, a helmet, and goggles. Also, the chair lifts are amazing! Once you get you really high, you can look down and see everything! I like to go on green and blue runs, because they are not too hard, and not too easy. Success, Ontario, Little Stick, Rosebud, and Last Chance are my favorite runs. I LOVE riding the bumps and going through secret passageways! It’s really fun to have an adventure every once in a while. My sister and I go to ski school at least twice every trip to help us improve. We’re both advanced beginners. We are learning how to do parallel turns. They really help to slow you down when you’re going on a steep slope. Skiing is by far my favorite part of the whole trip!
I enjoy doing many things, but my favorite thing out of all of them is going on trips to Utah with my family. My favorite parts of these trips are traveling, the hotel, and of course, skiing. Can you imagine what it would feel like to not enjoy doing anything?
Thats it! Please give me any grammer errors or spelling and anything that you think I should change! You can be hard on me if you have too; I don't care what my sister said. lol
MY CHANGES ARE IN CAPS- VERY GOOD JOB!
Do you know what it is like to go skiing in Utah? I enjoy doing many things, but my ABSOLUTE favorite ACTIVITY is goING on ski trips with my family to Utah. There are many reasons why I enjoy these trips. I love traveling, STAYING AT THE the hotel, and skiing.
First, traveling is actually one of my favorite parts of the trips. USUALLY, my family and I have to WAKE up VERY early IN THE MORNING to make our flight. We wake up at 4:00 AM, but it is definitely worth it! We HAVE always travelED by plane. Normally, the planes have televisions on the backs of the chairs. The televisions have music, movies, television shows, games, and a map of where we are going. In addition, the flight attendants serve food and drink on the long flights and I’m normally allowed to have some OF EACH. I get a Coke and fruit with cheese. Also, I bring a couple of movies to watch on the plane. I like to bring movies about animals, because they are always really cute. Furthermore, the airports are really fun. They have lots of restaurants AND I can try new foods. I really enjoy traveling NO MATTER WHERE I GO!
Next, the hotel is very nice. The staff never fails to deliver a welcome gift basket and a goodbye gift basket! The welcome basket included crackers, tortilla chips, salsa, apples, chocolate-covered raisIns, dried fruit, and trail mix. The goodbye basket had cookies and ice cream! The staff ALWAYS SEEMS TO keep the hotel **** and span. The lobby is always shiny and the housekeeping kept our room tidy. Also, our rooms have a hot tub on the balcony! It feels really good to soak in it after a long day of skiing. There is a ski in- ski out service at the hotel. It’s really nice SO we don’t have to walk a long way with our ski boots on. The hotel also provideS free breakfast. There ARE pancakes, waffles, French toast, bacon, bagels, eggs, and much more! THE LUNCHES ARE FREE, too. It was called “Après Ski”. I, personally, think that we stay at the best hotel ever!
FINALLY, skiing was the most fun part of the trip. I had to wear A LOT of clothing to keep me warm. I wore a jacket, gloves, snow pants, a helmet, and goggles. Also, the chair lifts are amazing! Once you get you really high, you can look down and see everything! I like to go on green and blue runs, because they are not too hard, and not too easy. Success, Ontario, Little Stick, Rosebud, and Last Chance are my favorite runs. I LOVE riding the bumps and going through secret passageways! It’s really fun to have an adventure every once in a while. My sister and I go to ski school at least twice every trip to help us improve. We’re both advanced-beginners. We are learning how to do parallel turns. They really help to slow you down when you’re going on a steep slope. Skiing is by far my favorite part of the whole trip!
I enjoy doing many things, but my favorite thing out of all of them is going on trips to Utah with my family. My favorite parts of these trips are traveling, STAYING AT THE the hotel, and of course, skiing. I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL OUR NEXT TRIP!
You did VERY well, just a couple of changes. Make sure to keep in mind your descriptive words and not starting all of your sentences the same way. Best of luck!
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Yes its good you just might want richer vocabulary
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you need to put it in paragraphs.
raisins is spelled wrong
good for a 5th grader. i like it :]
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Yes!
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Seems good for a fifth grade paper. Granted, I haven’t seen many fifth grade papers for a long time now; but I think this quite well written for that age.
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I live in Utah!
I don’t see any spelling errors. And FYI a GREAT place to go skiing or snowboarding (I do both!) is Wolf Mountain up in Eden, Utah. 
or Snowbasin!
Anywhooser. I think it’s a great essay (especially for a 5th grader!) My bro is in fifth grade and he can barely spell earth!
Great punctuation.
Wwhere the *’s are did you mean spick and span ? I’d do spick and span, not ***** and span. Also it’s Raisins
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MY CHANGES ARE IN CAPS- VERY GOOD JOB!
Do you know what it is like to go skiing in Utah? I enjoy doing many things, but my ABSOLUTE favorite ACTIVITY is goING on ski trips with my family to Utah. There are many reasons why I enjoy these trips. I love traveling, STAYING AT THE the hotel, and skiing.
First, traveling is actually one of my favorite parts of the trips. USUALLY, my family and I have to WAKE up VERY early IN THE MORNING to make our flight. We wake up at 4:00 AM, but it is definitely worth it! We HAVE always travelED by plane. Normally, the planes have televisions on the backs of the chairs. The televisions have music, movies, television shows, games, and a map of where we are going. In addition, the flight attendants serve food and drink on the long flights and I’m normally allowed to have some OF EACH. I get a Coke and fruit with cheese. Also, I bring a couple of movies to watch on the plane. I like to bring movies about animals, because they are always really cute. Furthermore, the airports are really fun. They have lots of restaurants AND I can try new foods. I really enjoy traveling NO MATTER WHERE I GO!
Next, the hotel is very nice. The staff never fails to deliver a welcome gift basket and a goodbye gift basket! The welcome basket included crackers, tortilla chips, salsa, apples, chocolate-covered raisIns, dried fruit, and trail mix. The goodbye basket had cookies and ice cream! The staff ALWAYS SEEMS TO keep the hotel **** and span. The lobby is always shiny and the housekeeping kept our room tidy. Also, our rooms have a hot tub on the balcony! It feels really good to soak in it after a long day of skiing. There is a ski in- ski out service at the hotel. It’s really nice SO we don’t have to walk a long way with our ski boots on. The hotel also provideS free breakfast. There ARE pancakes, waffles, French toast, bacon, bagels, eggs, and much more! THE LUNCHES ARE FREE, too. It was called “Après Ski”. I, personally, think that we stay at the best hotel ever!
FINALLY, skiing was the most fun part of the trip. I had to wear A LOT of clothing to keep me warm. I wore a jacket, gloves, snow pants, a helmet, and goggles. Also, the chair lifts are amazing! Once you get you really high, you can look down and see everything! I like to go on green and blue runs, because they are not too hard, and not too easy. Success, Ontario, Little Stick, Rosebud, and Last Chance are my favorite runs. I LOVE riding the bumps and going through secret passageways! It’s really fun to have an adventure every once in a while. My sister and I go to ski school at least twice every trip to help us improve. We’re both advanced-beginners. We are learning how to do parallel turns. They really help to slow you down when you’re going on a steep slope. Skiing is by far my favorite part of the whole trip!
I enjoy doing many things, but my favorite thing out of all of them is going on trips to Utah with my family. My favorite parts of these trips are traveling, STAYING AT THE the hotel, and of course, skiing. I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL OUR NEXT TRIP!
You did VERY well, just a couple of changes. Make sure to keep in mind your descriptive words and not starting all of your sentences the same way. Best of luck!
References :
I’m an elementary teacher
This is a persuasive essay. Asking a question in the opening is good, but there are two types of questions open ended and closed ended. By asking a closed ended(reader can only answer yes or no) The reader will say yes or no. A yes reader will keep going a no reader will stop there. So consider changing "Do you know what it is like to go skiing in Utah? TO What is it like to going skiing in Utah? To avoid ending the second sentence with Utah again find a more descriptive group of words that relate to the State. Example, I enjoy doing many things, but my all-time favorite ACTIVITY to do is go on skiing trips with my family to the state meaning, "people of the mountains."
This is all I time to do but good work and challenge yourself to always improve your communication whether it is speaking or writing because words are like black magic and the most powerful tool man has.
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